There Is Always A First Time

When I feel a bit down, usually there are two things that I would choose either to do to cheer myself up and stop me from mutating into a total pessimist. One is to get my hair trimmed, the other, which is also more frequently used, is to eat a nice meal. But this time I decided to take a brand new approach.

I bought two Thai massage coupons of a newly opened SPA shop from one of those popular discount websites at the time when I felt drained preparing for my IELTS exam. The offer on the website was not only in a very tempting price but also sounded exactly like what I needed then - with only 14 quid I can experience a 120 minute long ancient Thai style massage for the whole body to help relax your tense muscles.

However, I neither used the coupons during my IELTS preparation, nor did I use it as a celebration of passing the exam. I don't know what I was waiting for. Guess it was a bit like my 'Chrismas chocolate complex.' When I was still a kid, my younger sister Ruby and I always received loads of beautifully wrapped chocolate and candy at Christmas. Both of us had a tin box, Ruby's was sliver and mine was black, where we would put all of our chocolate and candy in. The bottom of Ruby's tin box was usually seen within one or two months after Christmas. As for mine, even though it was not my original intention at all, I usually let the chocolate and candy stay until passing its best-before date. Cos they were just too beautiful to eat. And I was also waiting for a 'special' mood, whether being depressed or happy, to feel like having the desperate need to enjoy them.

Despite intentionally choosing to walk for about forty minutes, instead of taking a bus there, I was still fifteen minutes early. A mild smell of incense wafting through the doorstep when the glass door was opened. The shop was pretty much the same as the photos I had seen on the website. Under my feet was clean and cool dark brown wooden floor. A wall of green plants stood at the left hand side at the entrance. Cozy rattan sofa formed the waiting area with a small bowl of white plumeria flowers casually placed on the rattan coffee table. There were also several different sizes of wooden and stone elephant sculptures resting at the corners on the floor and on the cabinets.

Although surrounded by very relaxing ambiance and having my feet washed and massaged, somehow all I was thinking was a footage of the famous Amercian chef Anthony Bourdain's programme Anthony Bourdain : No Reservations. In one episode he travelled to Turkey and went for a Turkish style massage. He was all wet and barely naked lying on a platform in a tiled bathroom with only a small towel covering his butt. Straddled by a Turkish guy he was painfully whining whiling having his limbs and body twisted and folded in a certain way. He claimed later in the interview that it was one of the most humiliated moments in his life. Suddenly, I felt a bit nervous and wanted to ask, 'errr, could somebody please explain what exactly the 'ancient Thai style massage really means?'

After the feet washing, I was brought to a room called Lavender in the cellar where I got changed into a loose-as-size-14 white cotton top and bermuda pants. My No.9 'master' (as what we call masseuse/ masseur in Chinese) is a slim Thai born Chinese woman in her early forty. To recall our conversation before she started her service, feel somehow now it sounds like lines in some kind of porn film.

'Is this your first time?'
"Yes, and actually I am feeling a bit nervous right now."
'Well, it is a bit painful if this is your first time. But, don't worry, I will try to be gentle. And you can always tell me if you want me to be even more gentle.'

There were some positions I think we might look like women wrestling on WWE women championship and I was preparing to scream if she bent my legs toward my head one degree more. Although I didn't fall asleep, which is what I had imagined and expected, we exchanged some interesting conversation. And I was surprised to know that actually there are much more men going for a massage than women. Interestingly, she also said that comparing to people in other countries, she thinks Taiwanese people prefer probably the most intensive strength on their massage.

Walking out the shop I can't wait to call Sabrina who recommended me to buy the coupons and shared with her my first time experience of having a professional massage.  Although think I will add having a massage on my list as one of the antidotes next time, maybe not a Thai style one. (10 quid for a coupon to enjoy an ancient Thai style massage, anyone?)

Another Pre-departure Briefing

In my family it’s mainly my mum’s task when it comes to our education. Besides providing bread, one of the most related things my dad was responsible for probably is picking me up after school and my piano lesson. My dad always looked uncertain when his friend asked him what year I was in at university. Not to mention when he tried to introduce me to his friends about what I studied for my MA, it took him quite a while to get used to say all the three words ‘intellectual property right’ together.

His indifference to our education will be the most unconvincing reason. But not sure whether it’s because he has an autocratic daughter who usually makes her own decision or because she just seldom worries him on her study. My parents, especially my dad, gave me great freedom on both what I want to study and which school I want to go to. Even though my mum was more informed, the information she obtained was still very limited.

Soon my life is going to take an exotic new turn and my academic study is going to be extended. After attending the pre-departure briefing host by British Council this Sunday, the outline of my coming new life will become even more vivid. Well, but only to me, I think.  So far my dad still has no idea which city I am going to go to. Guess he couldn't really point out where Cardiff is on a map either, even though I have been there twice. My mum remains referring to the University of Warwick and the University of Bristol by saying ‘the school at the boring place’ and ‘the school closer to Cardiff’. Ruby, my younger sister, has heard of the city Bristol but has no idea at all about the place. As for my little sister Lucy, 'Xiao Wen is going to study in the country where Harry Potter lives' is pretty much all she knows at the moment.

Maybe my family they need a pre-departure briefing too. They have been very supportive since the moment I announced my big plan. And I know sometimes they worry too. A powerpoint presentation may not be able to provide them a clear image of my coming new life, but at least might stop my mum from nagging me to buy a new down jacket to defend British winter or even better, to seduce them to visit me next summer in the UK!

haven't decided what I am going to put in my powerpoint yet, but hope mentioning the author of Harry Potter was born near Bristol will contribute some positive influence to Lucy.

Counting Steamed Buns

Since the day James left for his one-year compulsory military service, there have been love missiles launched every day from the Liens' apartment, well, from Ruby's room, to be exact. It has been more than three weeks and my sister Ruby is still sending a letter to her boyfriend by post every day. And the missiles always hit the target precisely according to James's telephone report every evening.

I seldom hear any of my male friends being looking forward to the military service. Most of them either worry about the strict discipline in the army or consider the service wasting their valuable time, especially my law school classmates. Because it means an extra year wasted to pass the bar exam. Yet, James was one in the minority who felt very positive before leaving for his service and was even hoping that he can serve in the toughest unit on one of those tiny islands around Taiwan. But after three weeks in the military, his determination starts to waver. Now plus Ruby's help from God, I guess we will never be able to see James in the uniform of marine corps.

Shortly before the first month's basic training is completed, James and other rookies will need to draw lots to determine where they are going to be and what they are going to do for the next 11 months. When things depend on pure luck, unsurprisingly some of us start to do what we Chinese are really good at - being superstitious.

A square and thin slice of rice cake, a half of rice ball with a 'dragon eye' fruit (longan) on top and several packets of biscuits on the kitchen counter were the clues that someone went the temple and prayed for something in our house. It was Ruby. She said she went to pray that God will send James to a relative easy unit and make him stay in Taiwan, even in Taipei. Meanwhile, James also received some tips from his fellows about how to have a lucky draw. For example, he was suggested to draw an eye on his palm when it is his turn to draw lots. Also, don't use the hand which you use to wipe your butt after you poo. Cos everything related with poo is also related with bad luck.

I shared Ruby with my friends' experience about serving on those small islands, 'It will not be that bad. Actually they said comparing to serving at Ministry of National Defense in Taipei, the task is much simpler and easier. And the meals are even better there. James will not only still get the same amount of holidays but also obtain an extra allowance. Besides, that's the only opportunity that you can visit those islands. I think that's pretty exciting.' Ruby looked at me the same way as some of my male friends. They think I have no idea how gloomy they sometimes felt.

In the old days when steamed buns and soy milk were still the food for breakfast in the military, consuming one more steamed bun means the soldier is one more day closer to going back home. Now the phrase is used to express and imply a soldier's feeling of wishing time can fly much more faster.

Think they are right that I may never be able to understand how it feels to serve in the military or how it feels to launch a love missile every day. But my empathy for James is absolutely undoubted. I really wish time can fly much much faster too.

Butt with No Thorns

Mum used to say that there are thorns on my dad's butt that he couldn't sit on the sofa for more than 30 minutes. I think she was just trying to describe how energetic my dad is.

Dad has no problem finding something to entertain himself. I remember when I started to play rollerblades at about 14, he not only got himself a new pair of rollerblades too but also a skateboard. Today, besides swinging his golf clubs in our lounge, he has found another thing to keep him busy.

A few weeks ago mum and dad invited Ruby's boyfriend James to the restaurant inside a nice hotel for a farewell dinner before he left for his military service. Even though dad is usually immune to fancy technology products, after letting him know how the female Taiwanese golf player Yani Tzeng was doing in the Honda LPGA Thailand this year during the dinner through my iPod touch, he was totally charmed by smart phone.

He has been sitting on his chair playing his smart phone for more than two hours after dinner now, sipping his tea and sometimes making strange noises when he couldn't figure it out how to let his smart phone work in the way he wanted. Mum said she hopes dad's new toy can make him learn how to check and reply emails himself, instead of asking us to do it every time. Well, if it doesn't turn out to be that way, think I can at least comfort mum that there are no thorns on dad's butt.

To My New Relationship. Cheers!

Don't quite believe in love at the first sight, but understand how important first impression is. So I tried to present the best of me, external and internal. Tried to convince him that I am the one for him, only I am talking about getting myself a job, not a man.

Usually it helps and saves a lot of time and work when I reveal my academic background. But when it comes to meeting "upper class" company like TSMC, ASUS or Acer, it seems like trying to meet people from the Royal Family. No overeas diploma, no qualification of a bar exam in America or in Taiwan and no enough full-time working experiences, my background can never be more humble. This is not surprising and is also quite understandable. No big deal since now doesn't mean forever.

And just like trying to have a relationship with someone, sometimes you might have some strong feelings for someone whom doesn't quite feel the same way about you, or somtimes someone likes you, but you only want to offer your friendship. Somtimes you might feel alone, but sometimes you might have difficulty deciding which man you're going to go out with. And sometimes friends might like your new partner a lot, but sometimes they might question your sanity.

Sabrina said I have only tried for slightly more than a month that I should be more patient. But I just feel tired of waiting. I'm not very worried I have to live by my very modest savings. It's with no income that makes me down sometimes. Because it makes me feel like being glued to where I stand right now, can't go anywhere far.

Don't think Sabrina understands actually I'm quite looking forward to my new relationship and nothing she said about my new partner diminished my interest and excitement to him at the moment. So congratulations to myself that I'll start a new relationship from next Monday!

And even though it's still several thousand millions miles away from the serious word 'marriage', I am definitely going to have a hen do this weekend!

One Word In Life

I was very glad when I found the book in the secondhand bookstore. It was called Six Kinds of Solitude. I've heard of it for quite a while. It was recommended by many book reviews. But after some pages, actually I found myself couldn't even finish a half of it.

Even though I didn't feel getting inspired at all about what the author said, it was its tone that really bothered me. I felt I was preached. Reading the book I felt like I was walking on the street and being approached by a person and he tried to convince me in an unnatural tone that I need to be forgiven and I should believe in God. 

I'm totally fine with religion and their believers. It's just the author's tone that really annoyed me. Why can't those believers and the author just talk like ordinary people in a natural voice when they give a sermon?

I am not crazy about any religion at all, not even Taoism or Buddhism. But I remember since I was a teenager, every time when I saw the slogan on the street lamp said, "Believe in God, then you can go to heaven", I always can't help to compare it with the Buddhist slogan "Put down the sword with blood, then instantly you can become a Buddha." From the two slogans I always felt Buddhism seems to be more generous since you don't need to believe in anyone, but only need to stop doing what is evil to be forgiven. Anyway, I just want to say that I really really don't like to be preached, especially in an unnatural tone.

I  heavily closed the book just to stop its litany and spit a relaxing sigh out. I loosely and cozily lay down in my bed and let my belly button look at the ceiling of my room as if I was trying to float on the sea. I was wondering how talented the author is that he could write a 288 pages book about only one word. What am I going to write about if I can only choose one word? 

I had no intension at all to make a contrast with the author's profound choice - talking about solitude, but all I could think about was really the word F-U-*-K. Not so sure how vulgar or offensive this word is in English, but not many women, at least not many of  my female friends say it in Chinese.

But seriously and honestly, I like the word. Cos it can always immediately and exactly express or release the intensity of my diverse feelings. Not a pinch more and not a pinch less. Very precise and direct at the exact moment. However, just in case people misunderstand that mostly it's only an urge to reveal the degree of my emotion than to offend or insult people, I usually said it when I was only with myself.

Therefore, when a taxi driver pressed his horn to my butt trying to remind me there was a taxi behind my back that I might want to take, I would yell silently, "Stop being so fu*king polite! I know how to do it when I need a cab!" The jingle when I threw myself into a swimming pool in a cold winter evening feeling all my body hair standing up was always me with a shivering voice singing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in my mind with the only one word lyric, you know which word. This word was also a must line when some shitty food cost me more than it should deserve. Recently, I found myself said it a lot when I had no choice at all or had more than one undesirable choices. Life can really be so hard or confusing sometimes.

think this will not be a very hard subject to write about for me but I can also reckon which word people might want to say after reading my book (if it's ever written and published).......

Five Things That I Don't Understand About That Big Island

1. How beautiful do you want to look, women?

I know some women are willing to suffer to look beautiful. And sometimes I also show my support with my short dress or skirt to those women. But this time in Cardiff some women really got my eyes opened and also think they really pushed the idea to the extreme that I can never ever achieve.

During this trip, besides some London girls I met at the pub admitted they were as confused as I was when watching a rugby game, another comforting thing was I didn't need to wrap myself til being stumbled by my own layers of clothes to against the winter in Europe. Moreover, many locals I had talked to unanimously confessed they felt very cold as well.

The last evening when roaming around the city centre, I saw a lot of young men and women walking along the street wearing a burning summer outfit without ANY coat, jacket or cardigan covered or even just lingering on their arms. However, this didn't surprised me that much since I had been told (and warned) so many times before. The thing really surprised me and I really want to know is how they prevent themselves from shivering? How do those young people cheat their bodies?

2.Are you going to somewhere around Howell School?

That's the question I always asked the bus drivers when I needed to take a bus back to where I stayed in Cardiff. I had no problem and felt like a local taking a bus from where I stayed to the city centre, but going back by bus always exposed my identity as a stupid tourist.

The evening when I came back from Bath, at Cardiff railway station I thought taking the same bus which brought me to the railway station in the morning should be able to take me back. But the bus driver told me it's another bus I needed to take. Even though it confused me, I followed his advice.

It bewildered me a lot about the bus system in Cardiff. In Taipei, generally, buses go and come back by taking the same route. Buses can bring you back to the place where you get on. And there is usually a electrical board to tell you what the name of the stop is. So no need to worry even if you have never been to that place or whether you will miss the stop. But it's totally not the rules in the UK. Why can't you Britons make taking a bus simpler?

But, thankfully, the bus drivers I met were all very friendly and helpful. 

3.How impatient British people are when it comes to tea?

It was absolutely not the first time I saw how to make some tea by using a tea bag or a pyramid tea bag. And I've bought some loose tea from Harrods, Fortnum and Mason, Whittard of Chelsea and Lipton, but none of them can compete with the speed of making a cup of tea like a PG tips tea bag did.

Once I pour some boiling water in my mug with a PG tea bag, then even before I put the kettle down, the water in my mug has already been perfectly dyed and also become strong enough to fresh my brain. (I don't even have the time to yawn and feel how much I miss my bed in the morning!) 

Being a tea addict, no matter it's Chinese tea, Japanese tea, herb tea or black tea I had, at least I needed to put myself in a Zen mode to wait for a few seconds, then I could feel comforted with every following sips. Therefore, at first I was surprised and also kind of worried how tea could be made that fast, but quickly I became a fan of it, since I am not just a tea addict, but also an impatient one!

4.What are the ingredients of Britain's cookery programme? - A comparative study of cookery programmes in the UK and in Taiwan

1 big and posh kitchen
1 pretty woman, with a big butt (optional)
2 hairy bikers
4 total unfamiliar dinner guests
500g of stylish, rural, or cozy atmosphere, plus extra for dusting
3 tbsp tension
pinch of tears

They are the ingredients I roughly conclude for making a Britain's cookery programme after watching Nigella Express, Jamie's Kitchen, Come Dine With Me, The Hairy Bikers, Ready Steady Cook, Rachel Allen:Bake, Cooking It and Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. And I am wondering if a cookery programme to British people is mainly about entertaining more than providing basic rules or key information of cooking a dish.

The programmes were taken in a shinny, expensive or a professional kitchen or in a beautiful garden. (By the way, I learn the word "pantry" from Nigella Lawson's own kitchen in the show. Jeez...it reminded me how humble my background is. Cos before that I didn't even know there is such a space in a house!) To British people, in a way, cooking seems to become a dreamy living style, not something basic and realistic to our daily lives.

Cookery programmes in Taiwan are usually taken in a studio. And so far, I don't know why but besides a chief, there got to be a host. The kitchen in the show is just a combination of a stove, a sink and a working surface. Nothing really fancy or posh. And in the beginning and the end of the programmes usually they will clearly list on the screen all the ingredients for the dish and give you a review of the method. But, in the UK they don't list it and the chiefs (mostly is also the host) usually speak very fast. They don't seem to expect people to take notes of it.

Don't get me wrong. I like those programmes very much. I enjoyed observing what people wear, what they talk about or what they do during a dinner party on Come Dine With Me. I would also root secretly for the participant and hope after a few weeks' training, he/she could really defeat the other two professional chiefs and cheat the judges. The shows were all amusing, entertaining and educational (from a cultural and English learning aspect), but if I tried to recall what dishes were made and what I've learnt, the images in my head are usually in pieces. Is It because they belong to the Reality Television genre more?

Anyway. I am just curious that after watching those cookery programmes, how many Britons feel stimulated and really cook something, or they just feel entertained and think they need another bag of chips?

5.When will British people become superstitious?

I seldom buy lottery tickets in Taiwan. Because from limited experiences, I found I got little luck on gambling. In Taiwan, you can only buy lottery tickets in a lottery stall and it's usually not very easy to miss a lottery store, especially when the stall has sold a winning ticket of the biggest prize. 

Normally, they will hang a long red banner or put up a big red poster in front of their stall to tell you that. Because many Taiwanese people think it means the place is full of luckiness or the god of fortune has greater chances passing the stall so that they have higher possibility to become a billionaire. Besides, you can always find the god of fortune on the counter of a stall. And I don't know where the ritual comes from, but I've seen people touching the head of the god's head  with their lottery tickets. (No wonder the good of fortune is a bald guy....) 

Compare to the lottery stalls in Taiwan, the places where people buy their lottery tickets in the UK are very 'quiet'. You would not see any banner or poster on the wall. In fact, you will not even notice they sell lottery ticket! I remember the day before going to Manchester, I got my lotter ticket from a grocery store where I didn't even notice a single sign they sell lottery ticket, let alone seeing Britain's god of fortune. 

Ok, maybe we Chinese are too obsessed with money.