One Word In Life

I was very glad when I found the book in the secondhand bookstore. It was called Six Kinds of Solitude. I've heard of it for quite a while. It was recommended by many book reviews. But after some pages, actually I found myself couldn't even finish a half of it.

Even though I didn't feel getting inspired at all about what the author said, it was its tone that really bothered me. I felt I was preached. Reading the book I felt like I was walking on the street and being approached by a person and he tried to convince me in an unnatural tone that I need to be forgiven and I should believe in God. 

I'm totally fine with religion and their believers. It's just the author's tone that really annoyed me. Why can't those believers and the author just talk like ordinary people in a natural voice when they give a sermon?

I am not crazy about any religion at all, not even Taoism or Buddhism. But I remember since I was a teenager, every time when I saw the slogan on the street lamp said, "Believe in God, then you can go to heaven", I always can't help to compare it with the Buddhist slogan "Put down the sword with blood, then instantly you can become a Buddha." From the two slogans I always felt Buddhism seems to be more generous since you don't need to believe in anyone, but only need to stop doing what is evil to be forgiven. Anyway, I just want to say that I really really don't like to be preached, especially in an unnatural tone.

I  heavily closed the book just to stop its litany and spit a relaxing sigh out. I loosely and cozily lay down in my bed and let my belly button look at the ceiling of my room as if I was trying to float on the sea. I was wondering how talented the author is that he could write a 288 pages book about only one word. What am I going to write about if I can only choose one word? 

I had no intension at all to make a contrast with the author's profound choice - talking about solitude, but all I could think about was really the word F-U-*-K. Not so sure how vulgar or offensive this word is in English, but not many women, at least not many of  my female friends say it in Chinese.

But seriously and honestly, I like the word. Cos it can always immediately and exactly express or release the intensity of my diverse feelings. Not a pinch more and not a pinch less. Very precise and direct at the exact moment. However, just in case people misunderstand that mostly it's only an urge to reveal the degree of my emotion than to offend or insult people, I usually said it when I was only with myself.

Therefore, when a taxi driver pressed his horn to my butt trying to remind me there was a taxi behind my back that I might want to take, I would yell silently, "Stop being so fu*king polite! I know how to do it when I need a cab!" The jingle when I threw myself into a swimming pool in a cold winter evening feeling all my body hair standing up was always me with a shivering voice singing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in my mind with the only one word lyric, you know which word. This word was also a must line when some shitty food cost me more than it should deserve. Recently, I found myself said it a lot when I had no choice at all or had more than one undesirable choices. Life can really be so hard or confusing sometimes.

think this will not be a very hard subject to write about for me but I can also reckon which word people might want to say after reading my book (if it's ever written and published).......